Since the day we stepped into the world, we have been overloaded with all sorts of different expectations. Expectations to be a good child, a good friend, a good spouse, a good individual, an efficient employee, and so on keep us trying to keep everyone happy around us happy.
But have we ever thought that while we do all this, somehow we keep losing a part of ourselves each day? When was the last time you looked into the mirror and smiled while looking into the mirror, winked and complimented yourself for looking so beautiful, gorgeous, smart or said "Hey, I Love You!"?
How many times have you tried to join a self-love program and then been unable to follow it properly, leading to no results from your efforts?
What is this self-love, by the way, for you? Is it overspending on shopping or gadgets or hanging out with friends whom you don’t seem to enjoy anymore, but for friendship’s sake you go out with them?
Self-love is nothing but loving oneself and accepting yourself the way God has created you. To be happy and content with yourself, you must take good enough care of yourself, which includes cleanliness, loving, caring, and pampering yourself by doing things you enjoy.
So, how to go forward with this?
Accepting oneself as created by the Creator is always the "First Step" towards Self-Love. Embrace the goodness God has blessed you with. We are all unique and have a purpose to fulfill on this Earth. The day we reach the age when we start getting all sorts of social and mental conditioning, we start accessing ourselves from other people's perspectives and judgements.
This is when we start ignoring ourselves, stopping loving ourselves and start looking for approval from others to quantify ourselves according to how others see us. However, it is never about how others see us. It is always about who we are and how we stick to our own reality.
The moment we start loving ourselves, we experience great positive shifts. The more we love ourselves, the more confident, radiant and happy we are. When self-love resides within you, your personal relationship with yourself and others automatically improves. You will feel more young, lively, happy and healthy from within.
When you love and care for yourself, your body will automatically release happy hormones and you will feel happy and contented. Unless you love yourself, you cannot love others. Unless you are happy, you can never help others around you feel happy.
Well, when you are in love with yourself, you will
Recognize and prioritize your "needs"; put yourself first and then others. However, some people, due to deep mental conditioning or guilt, may feel selfish, but believe me, it’s not!
Be assertive: learn to say "No" when you can’t fulfill your commitment. Fake commitments or unrealistic promises always fail. Do not commit if you can't fulfill it.
Enjoy the beauty of self and the freedom of being true to yourself and "Being You." You will be the person you are meant to be and want to be, and not what others want you to be.
Identify Self-Love Boundaries: You will be able to identify what is actually good for you and what is not. Self-Love will teach you how you want and expect others to "TREAT" you. You will always know clearly what things are acceptable in your life and what are not.
Avoid "Self-Sabotaging": Avoid self-sabotaging thoughts and negative patterns in your life and the quality of your thoughts will improve.
Stop Considering Yourself a "Victim": You will definitely stop accessing yourself as a victim. Whatever situations or people surround you, you will stay more aligned to learning lessons and moving towards a brighter path ahead in life and will stop clinging to the past or judging others' doings or perceptions of you. Always remember, "Experiences are to refine and polish us as a person and as a soul; they don't define us!"
Share Love Unconditionally without feeling Drained/Emptiness– Is it possible to drink water from an empty glass? Or imagine, you offering an empty glass to someone. What will happen? This means, if you don't have enough "love" inside you, what are you going to give to someone else, be it your friends, family, spouse, or this world?
You have to have enough love inside your heart and your whole self that you can share it with others without feeling drained out from inside. Unless you have it, you won't be able to even give it!
You don't look for happiness outside and are able to seek it within your own self- You will feel much happier within yourself and with others and will not seek happiness in the outside world as your inner peace and joy will make you more contented from within.
Self-love also means letting go of whatever does not serve you anymore or is hurting you from childhood memories or past memories. Allow it to be released into the divine light; this will make you feel lighter, happier, and more peaceful on the inside. Spend some "Me" time with yourself as it is not mandatory to spend your time with others all the time.
Even if no one else does, you should love, pamper, reward, and pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments.If you feel memories from childhood or past experiences still haunt you, please visit an expert and heal your inner child. Release and heal any suppressed emotions, anger, or resentments that are causing you more pain and more judgments.
Working on your confidence can help you a lot, as this is what sabotages the "self" part the most.
To heal and nourish your inner child, you may use the following loving statements to say to yourself:
I Love You.
Say it whenever you see yourself in the mirror or window reflections. Say it anytime, anywhere you feel like. Initially, it may be difficult as we are all conditioned to love someone else outside of ourselves, but with practice, you will hone this skill. Love is the key to healing; love is the only eternal truth of this universe, so love "you".
I hear you.
Instead of suppressing the voice of your inner child, say, "I hear you. We’ll work together through it. Everything’s going to be okay. "
You deserve better.
A child is innocent and pure. A child deserves unconditional love, care, pampering, and assurance. Care for your inner child as much as you can, because in each one of us there is an inner child who needs to be cared for, nurtured and shown some love.
I’m Sorry.
There are times when you are constantly stressed about not doing enough for yourself and others. You may criticize yourself for being incapable or simply wanting to rest. So tell your inner child you're sorry.
I forgive you.
One of the quickest ways to sabotage ourselves is to hold on to guilt, shame, and regret. Say to yourself, "I forgive myself for anything I could have done better to make myself feel happier." I was only a kid, and like everyone, I was and am human and imperfect. Nobody is perfect, and so I accept the faults in me.
Thank you.
Say thank you to yourself for always being with you and supporting you constantly, no matter what may have come your way. Thank your inner child for keeping you grounded in faith and hope.
You had put in your best efforts.
Pat yourself on the back and appreciate and enjoy your achievements, even if no one appreciates them. Believe in yourself and your talents, creativity, and abilities. Never lose hope and keep supporting yourself all your life. Even if you fail sometimes, don’t worry! Say to yourself, "Better Luck Next Time!" Re-analyze what went wrong and try again. You don’t have to be "perfect" always.
Practice forgiveness for yourself and others. Let go of the unnecessary burden holding you back. Forget, forgive, and move on with life. Take your experiences as lessons and challenges, and keep moving forward.
Smile and thank the divine always for giving you another chance every day to complete your incomplete tasks and encourage you to continue on the path of life with better confidence and hope.
Love yourself till eternity, because only then will you be able to give love to others unconditionally.
Continue to work on yourself, master yourself, and grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally while feeding yourself only love. Remember, love is the only eternal truth in this universe! Do not forget yourself in order to keep everyone happy around you. The deeper and stronger relationship you have with yourself, the more you strengthen your relationship with everyone around you.
Fill your glass with self-love and only then will you be able to serve it to others with no expectations in return, because the more unconditionally you give it to others, the more it will come back to you amplified.