Continuing our conversation from my previous article Spiritual Parenting Approach (Part - 1), let us dive deeper into this Part 2 article.
Referring to the Spiritual Parenting Approach (Part - 1) article, your initial thoughts about yourself could be, "I am not biased with my children, but are your actions matching your words and tone?" If not, stop lying to yourself and them about not being biased. Accept that you may be, not consciously but unconsciously, in a few situations, such as when they fail to fulfill your desires as you had hoped.
You will relate better to what we discussed above once you read the rest of this article. However, whatever we discussed in this article does not necessarily apply to every parent and family. There are specific scenarios or situations referred to only to highlight some behavioral patterns or unconscious actions taken by us as parents that may affect our relationship with our children.
Considering the increasing mental health and relationship issues in Gen Z these days, it is another reason for me to highlight these unconscious behavioral patterns or actions that we must be aware of as responsible and loving parents.
Children from Gen X and Millennials did not have this opportunity to be raised consciously and raise their next generation consciously. It is evident from many real-life examples how the upbringing of Gen X and Millennial impacted their overall personality and thought process, which further impacted their lives.
How do you identify if you treat your children appropriately and need more conscious parenting?
If you resonate with any of the following, then you must consider the spiritual parenting approach:
- Desiring your children to be who you once wished to be or to pursue things you aspired to during your childhood or teens.
- Expecting them to be your clones or copies in terms of personality and thought process.
- Compel them to do something or be like someone else to become socially acceptable.
Sometimes, we expect and desire too much from our children to be our trophies of fame, recognition, and proud parents to alleviate the pain or guilt we carry for our incompetence and failures in our lives and experiences.
Expecting your children to be examples of perfection and mannerism all the time is unrealistic.
Indirectly, expecting them to always agree with your thoughts, preferences, decisions, beliefs, and choices — not letting them choose and decide for themselves, prevents them from experiencing life and learning their life lessons.
How does spiritual parenting help us become better parents?
Let us learn how to ensure we become a steady support system for our children and not overburden them with our expectations. The following suggestions can help you become a conscious parent:
- Focus on how you can help them be themselves.
- Honor and nurture their spirituality — the courage, faith, and connection to their spiritual self will give them strength and confidence to choose and live with the divine guidance received.
- Help them learn how to identify and hone the connection with their spiritual self. It will help them follow their unique path more effortlessly and confidently.
- Invite your children to join you during your spiritual practices. Help them understand their true beliefs, but remember that the real purpose is to help them find what works best for them; this is why Buddhists traditionally follow this approach in their family and lineage.
As a parent, you must accept and remember that children are individuals too. They are born naturally conscious and spiritually aligned. Until the age of five, they are more sensitive to not only the physical world around them but also to the subtle world.
The mental conditioning imbalances their spiritual alignment and faith in spirituality once they grow up believing what we tell them and not what they must know about life by being more spiritually conscious.
How does the absence of spiritual parenting affect your bond with them?
Lack of spiritual parenting often yields aggressive, abusive, in-obedient, and rebellious children, lacking love, empathy, and respect for you as parents while you grow old and for others around.
How you treat your children with an exact choice of words, feelings, emotions, intentions, and communication pattern causes an enormous impact not only on your life but also on your children.
For you, as an elderly, it may be a small thing or an act of anger. However, for Crystal and Indigo children (most sensitive and emotional/empathetic to human behavior and energies), it may drastically impact their overall psyche and later adulthood.
Many parents need to be aware of such energies being more aligned into a 3D (3rd dimensional) vibration or mindset due to a lack of awareness, self-realization, or spiritual guidance.
The newer generation of souls coming into existence are metaphysically aware of their presence on Earth and yearn for acknowledgment of their preferences, emotions, and freedom to make choices without being judged.
How would you feel when your children judge you as a parent? You would never want them to label you as a bad parent. Why?
Let me answer this here because we humans possess this generational mental conditioning and value system to respect elders (which is true). As a parent, you have the right to choose the best for your children or say anything to them, but here is the twist — you forget that they are your children, not non-living things, which would not affect them no matter what you say or do to them, and they must accept it even if it is not appropriate. We forget their individuality and try to control their lives even when they are grown as adults.
How many times have you identified, realized, accepted your mistakes, and apologized to your children for being biased?
The first thought that may cross your mind is to say sorry to our children! Big deal, huh? The real obstacle here is your superior ego, being elderly, being parents, having more experience, being more knowledgeable, sticking to norms, traditions, and values, etc.
This ego is the primary cause of your pain, the cause of an unhealthy, unloving, and too stringent relationship with yourself and everyone around you, including your children.
What is it that we can do to practice spiritual or conscious parenting?
The following are some tips you can start incorporating into your parenting or life that will immediately bring positive changes in your hurtful relationships with your children or can save the growing one for the future:
- Put aside your ego — When you interact with your children, put aside your ego of being superior and more experienced than your children. It is not only we who learn from experiences. Even a small child can be more intelligent and spiritually conscious than an adult with experiences inherited from a different lifetime.
- Avoid belittling them by ever expressing this thought, words, or gesture that we know better and you know nothing. Remember, Lord Krishna was also a child and killed many demons during his childhood, so it is not about how old and powerful you are at a physical level but how conscious you are mentally, emotionally, and metaphysically.
- Let go of your desires, agendas, and expectations — Put aside your plans and expectations from them. Allow their divine plans and paths to unfold and be executed at divine timing and in alignment with their life purpose.
- Instead, allow your children to be who they are. Show and express to them that you value and encourage their truth and for being a unique soul in this universe.
- Show them respect equally as an individual with distinct choices, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and desires as you would do for yourself.
- Respect their decisions and support them regardless of whether they succeed or fail.
What else can you do to practice conscious parenting?
Here are a few vital points to ponder:
Being spiritual does not guarantee 100 % perfection. You are still a soul in a human body to live and learn your lessons.
You may lose your temper, get disappointed, and may have disagreements. How we deal with and overcome all these challenges and get back to normalcy in a state of non-judgmental, divine, pure or unconditional love is what matters and is the predominant savior of all relationships.
It is not wrong, insulting, or belittling to have you genuinely apologize for what you did to hurt your children in the past or present, emotionally or mentally.
Forgiveness is a two-way process. Both sides of the people and souls involved helping each other release resentments, anger, emotions, and what does not serve their highest good to set each other free from that clinging cord of unattended emotional/mental wounds and disappointments. If the wound is left open, it will become severe and may cause more damage.
There could be times when you caused hurt/pain to someone knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally, whether yourself or someone else. It becomes your core responsibility to dissolve that karma and hurt soon by asking for forgiveness.
On the other hand, forgiving someone who caused you hurt/pain is equally important.
By releasing the painful cords of attachment, you bring peace and harmony to your life and others. Forgiveness is the key to opening doors to pure unconditional love.
By apologizing, you are not apologizing to your children or someone younger; you are apologizing to another soul by telling them you want peace with them. It allows you to express that you realize your mistake and acknowledge their pain.
However, by not seeking forgiveness and not forgiving others, you limit the possibilities of being in peace and harmony with yourself and your loved ones. It further deepens their pain.
Spiritual parenting not only gives a nurtured upbringing to our children, but it also makes us ego-free souls, in divine alignment, and in consent with an agreement with the eternal truth of all souls living here as humans on their journeys to go through.
We are all one. We are all children of God, and our experiences and difficulties with each other provide opportunities to strengthen our bonds, improve our understanding of each other, and instill the roots of deep, unconditional love into our hearts and souls for each other.
Leave your children with memories they will cherish and respect you for when you are no longer with them in human form, and teach them not to express their rage, hatred, resentment, or curse your soul for the consequences they will bear and deal with in the absence of these loving memories.
Stop judging or being biased and not acknowledging and become a proud parent by nurturing your soul and the souls of your little angels (your children who will remain your angels regardless of age).
Grace & Love - Tejaswini (a.k.a Sakshi Vaashiisht)